| "THE
HAPPIEST TODDLER ON THE BLOCK"
The New Way to Stop the Daily
Battle of Wills and Raise a Secure and Well-Behaved One-to Four-Year-Old
By Dr. Harvey Karp
America’s top doctors are lining
up to praise a new book and video that are destined
to become classics in the field of parenting!
“You want
help? This is r-e-a-l help!
The Happiest Toddler is one of the smartest parenting
books of the past decade!”
--Kyle Pruett, MD, Professor
of Child Psychiatry, Yale University School of Medicine,
Past President Zero-to-Three
“Dr. Karp's excellent
approach makes raising toddlers a whole lot easier.”
--Steven Shelov, MD, Editor-in-chief,
American Academy of Pediatrics’ Caring for Your
Baby and Young Child
Anyone living with toddlers knows how
quickly they can change. One minute all is bliss -then
BAM! – they erupt into a mega-tantrum on aisle
6 at K-mart! No wonder exhausted and time-crunched parents
feel trapped in a revolving door of “No!”
and “Don’t!”
But all that is about to change. But never
again will you be helpless while your toddler screams
and screams. Help has arrived!
"The Happiest
Toddler is terrific...and fun! It will help parents,
grandparents and everyone who cares for toddlers be
more effective."
--Martin Stein, MD, Professor
of Pediatrics, University of California San Diego
In a breakthrough new book and video,
THE HAPPIEST TODDLER ON THE BLOCK (Bantam Books 2004),
celebrated pediatrician and child development expert,
Dr. Harvey Karp reveals a treasure sought by parents
for centuries – the secret to calming tantrums
in minutes…or less!
Two years ago, Dr. Karp stunned the medical
world (and made parents cheer!) by solving the 3000-year-old
mystery of colic with his discovery of the calming reflex
– the “off-switch” for crying that
can soothe almost any fussy baby in seconds. His extraordinary
book and video, The Happiest
Baby on the Block, have literally redefined our
culture’s understanding of newborns.
And now Dr. Karp is amazing the medical
world once more with an innovative view of toddlers
that will transform our understanding of this challenging
age, forever.
“Dr. Karp has done it
again!
The Happiest Toddler is a joyous adventure…with
pearls of wisdom on every page.”
--Morris Green, MD, Director,
Behavioral Pediatrics, Indiana University, Riley Hospital
for Children
"Dr. Karp helps parents
turn the "terrible" twos into "terrific"
twos. His work will revolutionize the way our culture
understands toddlers!"
--Roni Cohen Leiderman,
PhD, Associate Dean of Childhood Studies, Nova Southeastern
University
Dr. Karp explains that watching toddlers
is like traveling back in time. “Toddlers are
not so much little children as little…cavemen!”
Cavemen were stubborn, opinionated, and not too verbal.
They bit and spat when angry, were sloppy eaters, hated
to wait in line, and were negative, tenacious, distractible,
and impatient…sound familiar? (No wonder, the
first chapter of THE HAPPIEST
TODDLER is named “Help! There’s a
Neanderthal in My Kitchen!”)
It’s a comical image, but comparing
little kids to primitives is no joke. Dr. Karp argues
that toddlers can only be understood by taking one giant
step…backward! During three short years, toddlers
zoom through the major achievements of almost 5 million
years of human evolution: walking, talking, tool making,
and problem solving.
"Parents will be delighted
by this clever approach to communicating with toddlers.
It allows us to see the world from our children's unique
point of view."
--Janet Serwint, MD, Professor
of Pediatrics, Director of the Harriet Lane Children’s
Clinic, Johns Hopkins School of Medicine
Dr. Karp says, “We all get more
rigid when we’re upset, but frustrated toddlers
become absolutely prehistoric!” He tells parents
to think of themselves as ambassadors from the 21st
Century to the Neanderthal people. “Once we see
kids in this revolutionary ‘evolutionary’
light, tantrums, power struggles and even peeing on
the carpet all start to make sense…and parents
learn to soothe even agitated toddlers quickly.”
In THE HAPPIEST TODDLER, parents learn:
- The #1 rule of good communication
– the “Fast Food Rule.”
- Four easy steps for translating anything
into a child’s primitive language - Toddler-ese.
- Foolproof ways to encourage good behavior
(time-in, praise, rewards, “gossiping”,
etc.).
- How to quickly halt misbehavior (using
good communication, ignoring and time outs).
- Smart solutions to the prickliest
problems of the toddler years (including sleep issues,
toilet training, separation anxiety, biting, picky
eating, sibling rivalry, fears, etc).
You can defuse most meltdowns in minutes
if you know. In his new book and video, The Happiest
Toddler on the Block, child-development expert and pediatrician
Harvey Karp, M.D. reveals some revolutionary new solutions
for problems from tantrums to picky eating. Here he
tells how to soothe your tot's tears and help her feel
loved and understood by learning to…speak her
language.
Q. You've gone from teaching about
crying babies in your first book and video, The Happiest
Baby on the Block, to toddlers having tantrums. What
will parents
learn from this second book that they don't already
know?
A. In my new book I present a fun and
easy approach to raising great toddlers based on a fascinating
new concept. As silly as it sounds, the best way to
think of children between the ages of 1 and 4 is as
little…Neanderthals! Don't get me wrong, I love
toddlers. They are sweet and fun, but they can also
be wild and impulsive, especially when they’re
upset. They grunt, grab, scratch and shriek like uncivilized
little cavemen. Yet, when you learn to speak your toddler's
primitive language – Toddler-ese - you'll often
be able to soothe his outbursts in minutes.
Q. So what's the secret for talking
Toddler-ese?
A. When little kids are happy, we speak
to them with our normal words, tone of voice, and gestures.
After all, that's ultimately how toddlers learn language.
But the more angry, frustrated, scared, or sad your
child gets, the more fuzzy your words will sound to
her. At that point, it helps to translate what you say
into Toddler-ese. It’s as easy as 1…2…3!
Here’s how:
First, use very short phrases. Long sentences are tough
for stressed out toddlers to comprehend. Stick with
one- to three-word phrases (three to five words for
verbal toddlers). Second, repeat those phrases over
and over. Young children often need five to ten repetitions
to get their attention and focus on what you are saying.
Finally, be an actor. How you say your words is even
more important than what you say. Match your tone of
voice, facial expressions, and body gestures to her
level of emotion. Pout, wave your arms, furrow your
brow and dramatically echo her complaints to show you
understand exactly how your toddler feels.
Q. Why do toddlers have such a hard
time listening?
A. Our little cave-kids have trouble listening
because they’re very distractible, especially
when they’re upset. That’s why you’ll
be much more successful getting your child to focus
if you first calm him down by paying attention to him
with a minute of your best Toddler-ese. That lets him
know you understand and care about his feelings. Once
he begins to settle you can offer a distraction ("Hey,
look at this book."), logic (“It’s
too hot to drink.”) or reassurance ("It’s
OK, it’s OK…you’re alright”).
Calm kids are better listeners (none of us tune in well
when we’re in the middle of a meltdown).
Imagine your 18-month-old is standing
at the door, screaming to go outside. Don’t just
squash his hopes by telling him why he can't go ("It's
raining”). First, acknowledge his feelings …in
his own energetic language. Say in Toddler-ese, “You
say, ‘Go, Mommy. Go! Go!' You want out, now! Out!
Out! Out! You're bored, bored, bored!" With gestures
and a dramatic tone repeatedly echo his feelings. Once
your irate little caveman realizes that you truly understand
his whining and wailing will noticeably diminish. That’s
the signal that it’s your turn. That he’s
ready to hear your reasons, reassurance, options, etc.
Q. But what if your child is doing
something that's clearly wrong? Might echoing her feelings
accidentally make her think that you’re agreeing
with her?
A. Every day, your prehistoric little
toddler experiences a roller coaster of powerful emotions.
One of your prime goals during his toddler years will
be to encourage him to confidently express his feelings
yet teach him to restrain his unacceptable actions.
Of course you should skip echoing and
immediately express your message if your child is in
danger (she runs into the street), being aggressive,
or breaking an important household rule. However, in
less urgent situations, take a minute to lovingly show
your tot that you sincerely care about his feelings,
but that doesn’t mean that you will tolerate misbehavior.
When he yanks a truck out of his friend’s
hands, for instance, take a few seconds to repeatedly
(and dramatically) describe what he’s doing and
how you think he feels- even if you disagree with him.
Before teaching him a lesson about sharing, say something
like, “You want! You want! You want it now! You
say, 'Give me the truck. I want it now!'" Then,
after he starts to settle down, add your mini-message,
"But, no grab…no grab. It’s Jake’s
turn." Learning and emotion are like oil and water…they
just don’t mix. Calm children learn much faster
and acknowledging their feelings in Toddler-ese is the
key to quick calming.
Q. What are the main secrets to raising
"the happiest toddler on the block"?
A. There are three:
1. Play and talk together a lot. Just as feeding dimes
into a parking meter all day long protects you from
dreaded tickets, many five and ten minute helpings of
playtime throughout each day ward off temper outbursts
and create a growing relationship of cooperation and
caring with your toddler.
2. Establish clear and consistent limits. Toddlers like
uncivilized little
cavemen, will push you around if you're wimpy about
the rules. But, pick your
battles. Only set limits you know you can enforce and
then be prepared to
take a stand.
3. Above all, treat your child with respect. Even when
he’s doing something you hate, always show respect
with your words and actions. One of the best ways to
you’re your respect is to try to speak to him
in his own primitive language. Energetically echoing
your toddler’s feelings will help you quiet the
yelling, lessen the frustration and create a more loving,
happy time for both of you.
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